Newbie

So, I'm completely new to this. Not all that sure what to do. Eventually I'll get the hang of it.

My current weight is 141 lb. That disgusts me beyond belief. I'm not even sure anyone will read this, other then me, but hopefully this will be inspiration enough to be strong. Posting my weight on the internet should  hopefully be a strong deterent to over eating.

I flirted with bulimia briefly, but I'm really not into the whole "making myself throw up" kind of thing. If I don't stop binging, I'm going to have to go back to that, though.

My birthday (my 18th!) is in 3 weeks. I'd love to be down to 130 lbs. That would be the best birthday present EVER!

I have depression, but I refuse to take my medication. Why? Because it takes away my appetite, which is AWESOME, but, when I drink so much as a sip of water, to take said medication, I blow up like a balloon! It made me retain water or something. So, I'd rather just not take my meds.

I haven't cut in.... 9 days. But, the last time I did cut, I cut the word "fat" into my thigh. On one hand, I hope it scars, because it was a punishment. But, on the other hand, I don't want any of my scars to last forever, because I've got a LOT of them.

I'm going to try to post often, even if it's just for myself, as a distraction from eating.

Wish me luck, possibly non exsistant readers! <3