guidanceO.O

Oh dear. So, my guidance counseller wants me to go get checked out for having psychosis. I googled the symptoms of the "Onset of Psychosis". This doesn't look to good for me. I REFUSE to let people think there is more wrong with me then depression. I wonder how well I can hide these symptoms? They just recently got this bad. People noticed them today. If I pretend that they aren't happening, then no one will have any reason to think I'm going psychotic. Oh my! And then they wont see it coming! And then no one can stop me from killing myself! OH! New plan! Sooo happy now! =]

Staying home = Binging

So, my second post/blog thing. I wish I had some good news to post. I stayed home from school. And ate. And ate. And ate. And my old friend Mia came back. So I didn't gain any weight. But still. I'm pretty mad at myself. I'll get over it though.

Current weight 141 lbs.

I'm still hoping to be down to 130 lb for April 11th.

Also, I've decided something. I hate school. With a passion. SO! I'm not going to let myself stay home or skip class until I'm down to 135 lb. And then I won't again until I'm down to 130 lb. Then 125 lb, and so on. I'm really hoping this'll work.

So far, I don't think I have any followers, so I'm just talking to myself. But whatever. I'm alright with that =]

Newbie

So, I'm completely new to this. Not all that sure what to do. Eventually I'll get the hang of it.

My current weight is 141 lb. That disgusts me beyond belief. I'm not even sure anyone will read this, other then me, but hopefully this will be inspiration enough to be strong. Posting my weight on the internet should  hopefully be a strong deterent to over eating.

I flirted with bulimia briefly, but I'm really not into the whole "making myself throw up" kind of thing. If I don't stop binging, I'm going to have to go back to that, though.

My birthday (my 18th!) is in 3 weeks. I'd love to be down to 130 lbs. That would be the best birthday present EVER!

I have depression, but I refuse to take my medication. Why? Because it takes away my appetite, which is AWESOME, but, when I drink so much as a sip of water, to take said medication, I blow up like a balloon! It made me retain water or something. So, I'd rather just not take my meds.

I haven't cut in.... 9 days. But, the last time I did cut, I cut the word "fat" into my thigh. On one hand, I hope it scars, because it was a punishment. But, on the other hand, I don't want any of my scars to last forever, because I've got a LOT of them.

I'm going to try to post often, even if it's just for myself, as a distraction from eating.

Wish me luck, possibly non exsistant readers! <3